Wednesday, November 3, 2004
Sometimes i think i want the impossible. To be happy?... is that only for some people?... am i supposed to sacrifice parts of my life in order to find others... how is that fair?... i always end up here... caught in a circle... my life beginning to take on the conditions that surround it and the people that touch it hurt me more than they know. I can stand here and watch what i have built for myself begin to crumble. Standing here as my self-esteem is pulled apart by those who once wanted me but now don't... to feel my lungs grow tight as a person i trust wraps their controlling hands tighter around my neck and another watches as i drown in a pool of their lies. Listening to the insults and resentment fly, the petty gossip clouding my mind. This is what has become of me. I stand or rather sit here.... torn down, choking, drowning, crying. I'm not asking to be rescued. I'm just asking for the strength i need to move from where i stand. To leave this place and those who have access to my life. I just want to be happy. The simple truth is I've fallen... fallen down and i don't want to be dragged through the bottom anymore. So if you love me. Think hard. Because people i love are the ones that cause the hardest tears. Hopeless, directionless... loving you with all my heart.
Inevitable
Monday, October 4, 2004
Inevitable
You wake up and stir/
Lookin up at the ceiling above/
Your eyes heavy, still wet/
The black on your pillow/
remembrance of a night in your/
life that seems part of/
an inevitable cycle./
You lay in the dim light/
oblivious to the tears that will keep/
falling./
The same emptiness emerges,/
The same wound exposed,/
The same pain only fresh,/
always the same..../
Inevitable.///
You get up,/
Walk to the window,/
Watch the rain fall,/
Falling Hard,/
You think of home,/
Where you are loved,/
Where you belong,/
Where you run to,/
What you would run from,/
You remember there are things in /
this life you can't run from /
there are inescapable feelings/
unavoidable situations/
and crushing disappointments./
Inevitable.///
You look into the mirror,/
Your hair a mess,/
make up running,/
tears still falling,/
as your sould waves goodbye/
to the person you were./
Who are you now?/
Who does those things to/
get what they want?/
When is this wanting/
not worth it?/
How much of yourself/
will you sell?/
How much of yourself will/
you lose?..../
Inevitable.///
"As others have stung me with hatred,
My chosen weapon remains Love."
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